Happy Birthday to The Hamburglar. Robble robble robble.

I'm getting that Authorial Vibe again. What I refer to as That Writerly Urge.

I don't have a whole lot to say right now. That is, I have nothing special to report. My life is surprisingly normal. My wife is great, my son is great, my job is great... no complaints here.

I am feeling the need to write again. But this time, my need to be creative is motivated by something other than loneliness and a desire for attention.

Yes, I can admit it now: the crux of my writing in the past was informed by low self-esteem and a paucity for genuine love in my life.

Wait a minute: I was copping to that even back in the day! A cursory glance through my archives proves this. EVERY post was some lovelorn lament or a bitter screed against some perceived threat against my well-being.

I used to get mad when people had nothing to say. I used to get mad when people didn't leave comments on my page. I used to write every day, several times a day.

And now look at me. Sporadic posts, no one reading my scarcely updated entries, and not a whole lot to impart in terms of content.

What happened to me?

Oh yeah, that's right. I became happy.


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Misery is not a prerequisite to creativity. I know this. But I used to think I had to be tortured, whether by myself or by others, in order to create.

I realize now that, while confronting personal demons can result in spectacular bursts of creativity, it is not a prerequisite by any means.

After all, isn't the pursuit of creativity the same thing as pursuing personal happiness? Wasn't it my goal to be satisfied with what I had accomplished through my dalliances in writing, music and art?

The truth is, I am proud of the things I undertook. I am proud of the works I created, even if they never went beyond my own personal circle of friends and associates. But when I look back and see the pain I was in, that kind of makes me shutter.

It's sad. It's so obvious now that I was not happy. And that marred my work.

I'm glad to be writing from a healthier perspective, that's for sure.


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So I perused the Archives and found this post from December 2004. Rather than link it, I am going to simply cut-and-paste the relevant section of the post.

I think it speaks volumes about my state-of-mind back then. But it also serves as a forward reminder, in a way. It's almost as if I anticipated the day when I'd be slacking in the blog department and needed to send myself a wake-up call for posterity.

That makes me seem prescient as all hell, but what is art if not bordering on the clairvoyant every now and then?

So here it is. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

And I'll be writing more later. You can bet on it.


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POST FROM DECEMBER 2004

Don't turn your back on the blog. One day, you're gonna need it on your side. But will the blog be there for you when you need it most? Not if you keep mistreating it.

Show some love and respect to your blog. Make at least one post, even if it's two lines, six words, and five syllables long.

If you don't do it for yourself, then do it for me.

Okay?

Hell, I don't have anything to say today, and I'm swamped with work, but I still manage.

I always manage...

Stop browsing for junk online. Stop ordering from Amazon. Stop frequenting gossip forums and porn sites.

All I'm asking you to do is make one fucking entry.

Just one.

If you really are in it for the love, then write one word.

That's all.

OK, gotta go-- I have a life too, you know.


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