velveeta

MSN has a link to the 43 cheesiest songs of all time. And indeed, they are quite cheesy.

I know the words and melodies to 36 out of the 43 songs listed. I know every song in their Top Ten, and what's more-- I'm not ashamed.

I don't know these songs because of a love of kitsch. I'm not a very kitschy person. I like these songs because I grew up listening to them on AM radio as a kid. My parents had 45s of many of these hits.

Unlike my current taste for hair metal, a genre that I absolutely LOATHED in its heyday, I have always loved these sappy songs.

Yes, they are cheesy... but I like cheese, hold the irony. These songs, as maudlin as the can get, are finely crafted disposable pop gems that topped the charts at one time.

I would even go one further and say that there are some glaring omissions to the list.

For example:

-Leo Sayer is listed for his disco romp "You Make Me Feel Like Dancing" but there's no mention of his syrupy, soggy ballad "When I Need You".

-There are no songs by Styx, Journey, or Loverboy on the list. Also conspicuously missing: Engelbert Humperdinck.

-Phil Collins' "Against All Odds (Take A Look At Me Now)" is NOT a cheesy tune. It's a great fucking song is what it is. Yes, it came from the '80's, but compared to "Sussudio" and "Two Hearts" (or even "One More Night") this song from the movie Against All Odds is a tour de force for the former Genesis drummer.

-Songs like "The Candy Man" and "The Sound Of Music" don't count-- they belong in another category, really.

-Certain songs are listed because of who performed them. Is Donna Summer's version of "MacArthur Park" cheesier than Richard Harris' mid-'60's take? Hell no. Likewise, what's the real reason why Donny Osmond's version of "Puppy Love" was chosen over Paul Anka's version? Is it because he's an Osmond? Yes. But let's face it-- Paul Anka's face should be on Kraft Singles packages all over the States.

-Chris De Burgh's "The Lady In Red" is a beautiful ballad, no matter what other people say. It does everything a love song should do: captivate your heart and make you look at the woman you are standing in front of with a renewed illumination.

-Where is "Every Time You Go Away" by Paul Young? While we're at it, why is most of Hall & Oates' catalog missing from the list? (For those who don't know, Hall & Oates wrote and recorded the original version of Paul Young's hit)

-They gave Stevie Wonder's entire In Square Circle album a pass. I love Stevie but that album sucked big time, especially "I Just Called To Say I Love You".

-"She Believes In Me" made the cut but not "Through The Years"? And why no Bryan Adams? I heard "Heaven" at a Thai restaurant last night, and realized that it is so cheesy that the lactose-intolerant have to be warned prior to the song getting played on KOST 103 FM.

-They listed Lionel Ritchie when he was with The Commodores. But they ignored solo dreck like "You Are The Sun" and "Hello" and "Penny Lover" and... wait a minute, the middle-eight to "Penny Lover" is actually pretty good. But they should've at least thrown in "Dancin' On The Ceiling".

-And finally, they chose "Keep On Loving You" By REO Speedwagon, and ignored "I Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore", possibly the guiltiest pleasure I have ever encountered in a pop tune. "Can't Fight" is one of those songs that makes you feel ashamed for liking it so much. It's the kind of song that I deliberately sing out of tune, because to sing it on key would be scary to everyone within earshot.

Mind you, some of the songs that made the list I cannot stand. The Celine Dion song is a good example-- that song makes me want to cough up gall stones. Billy Ray Cyrus? I need not explain that one. And Kenny G is the Anti-Christ.

But, I digress. I could do this all day long, really.

So tell me, dear Blogsters: what songs did MSN leave off the list that YOU think deserve to be there?

I'll be waiting... in the dark, naked by the phone...