magic

I woke up feeling devilish this morning, oddly in sync with my surroundings. The phenomenon I sometimes refer to as 'serendipity' seemed to be taking place in small but concrete ways.

I could do no wrong: traffic lights turned green for me for long stretches of road, no real traffic to speak of, and I felt well-rested despite getting only five hours of sleep. Plus, it's payday.

I think I must have been extra tired yesterday, having run out of gas as I exited the freeway on the way to band practice.

That was the catalyst (I think) for this serendipitous feeling, so I guess I went to sleep last night at the onset of this phenomenon and woke up fully immersed in it. When the car started to buck and shake, I was able to get from the far left lane all the way over across four more lanes to get to the far right lane and exit before totally depleting my fuel supply.

I pulled over to the side and put on my emergency hazard lights. Then, I automatically walked to the rear of the car and opened the trunk, removing the gas can. I walked half a block to a gas station and pumped a gallon into the tank. Then I walked back, filled up the car, started it, and drove over to the station to get more gas.

Yes, I got gasoline all over my hands, and I knew I should've refueled before getting on the freeway-- I thought I had enough to make it home. But the whole episode took about twenty minutes to resolve, and I wasn't upset at all. In fact, I handled it as if it were a normal occurrence.

I felt prepared. And I was: I'd bought that gas tank about a year ago, when I first got the car. I was testing out the empty fuel light, seeing how low it would dip before running out. That time, I didn't have a gas tank, so when I walked two blocks to the nearest gas station I ended up buying one in case I ever needed it again.

That was a good move on my part. And running out just as I had managed to coast onto the off-ramp last night was simply sublime. There's nothing like being able to handle an adverse situation to make you feel cool.

I made it to rehearsal 15 minutes late, but the drummer was late so I didn't really miss a beat... pardon the pun.

Rehearsal was good, as good as good can get at this point. The Wolf Man, our drummer, is always on the fence about whether he wants to play with us or not. He has "image issues"-- he doesn't think the band is cool enough to go to the next level, and he's right. But I think the guys are nice people to jam with and play shows with-- I'm not looking for fame or success with this band.

Wolfie's younger, he wants to do more than just play drums for other people, and I'm cool with it-- it's not my band, after all. What has kept him around are the shows, playing in front of an audience, receiving N for his own personal supply stash, the same stash anyone who is an entertainer craves.

The other guys in the band are disappointed but not hurt. They'll live, and they'll find another drummer after our last show with Mr. Wolf. I'm confident of that.

Then there's the other band, whom I jam with tonight. They were kicking around ideas for cover songs and The Kinks' "I'm Not Like Everybody Else" came up. I thought it was a great idea, and we all agreed to learn it before tonight.

Well, a few days ago I was at Paulie's house and an ad for IBM came on the TV. The music in the ad was the same Kinks song we were going to cover! My jaw dropped in amazment-- this is not the first time a band of mine had decided on a cover, only to be upstaged by highly visible media outlets, whether it be a band or a commercial.

What's amazing is that the song is pretty obscure. They didn't use "You Really Got Me" or "All Day & All Of The Night" or even "Waterloo Sunset"... they used a rare single that didn't surface on the full-length albums until much later. Hell, only the singer and I had actually heard it before.

I'm in tune with the universe.


*/*


I think that the time is nearing for me to start assembling my own musical project, where I am the leader. Megalomaniacal? No, not really. I still like playing with others, contributing to their causes. I know they value my talents, but I have a lot of ideas and I want to implement them. And I'm going to need players to do it. They don't have to be sickeningly tight-- in fact, I would prefer novices. That way, I could imprint my songs upon them as they learn the material.

I've known for a long time that it takes a dictatorial touch to get bands motivated and devoted to the purpose of playing together. One person often ends up being the taskmaster, usually because no one else is interested in taking the responsibility.

Then there are the bands where one person tries desperately to wrangle control under the guise of a democracy. Those end up being the result of petty ego trips and more than likely cause friction instead of creative energy.

Finally, there's the kinds of bands where everybody is independent, and come together as equals for the final product. Those bands are very rare.

I've been the "faithful bass player" for so long, and not out of deference. Believe me, an egotist such as myself is always at the ready with my own song ideas and spotlight moments. But I know what a pain in the ass it is to try and get musicians to commit to a band, and luckily in my life I've either shared the responsibility with someone else or didn't care to possess it.

Now, I want to call the shots, with my own band, playing songs I wrote, booking shows at places I want to play.

But will I actually motivate myself to do it? That's the big question for me.


*/*


And now for a little stream-of-consciousness:

I have only had faith in myself and yet I cannot give myself the credit for this, as if some spectral force has protected me from harm all of these long years, unbenownst to me, without any real comprehension on my part... even as I was mired in pain and wracked with doubt there was always a guiding hand at work, shielding me from the harsher elements of this wicked wicked world... some would say I'm lucky, or cursed, or jinxed... some would say there is a mark on my forehead, or that an aura shines bright from within me... that I've been set aside and designated for something else but I'm not quite sure what it is yet, so I'd best follow my nose and my gut and my instincts and follow and maybe even lead in fact I'd prefer to lead instead of beng led to be free instead of feeling dread to be able to see instead of being dead, and when I am with her I dream of the things we fled when our wings were spread and beneath the sea wept as we leapt so we could be ahead of everything chasing us hounding us down grounding us down surrounding us with sound pounding down thorny crowns upon our temples...

My mind is tender and gentle, rested and mended, just as I always pretended...

I'm sending out a mental transcript laced with traces of ancient Sanskrit.