FUCK THE DUMB SHIT

Three hours of sleep, no change of clothes, no shower, no chance to recharge. The animation's as good as done, with only a handful of post-production notes and retouches to tend to before we start hawking it around.

Already, the money people are lining up. If we can align them properly, we can move to the next level with a modest but serviceable budget.

That would be a first for me.

Let me state for the record: I don't know what this thing is going to lead to, but it feels good, and we're all proud of it. I smell some success here. I smell interest in the project, I smell money, I sense people wanting to get in on the action while it's still on the bottom floor.

Paulie has been paying mad money out the yin-yang to keep us well-fed, adequately doped, and singlemindedly determined to get this sonofabitch done as quickly and as efficiently as possible. This whole ordeal has been a crash-course for Paulie, Peter and me-- I've learned skills that will help me immensely in the real world, whether this cartoon idea ever gets sold or not. Now I can apply for graphic design jobs and honestly say that I know the softwares and programs. I'm a quick study, you see.

I'm rumpled and wrnkled and smoked-out, my newly-shorn hair disheveled and in disarray, my face an unshaven wasteland of stillborn stubble. I've gained back all the weight I'd lost when my car was out of commission: sitting on my ass all day on a computer has made me soft and doughy, and the car has been running fine so I have no excuse to get outdoors and walk.

We're going to take a much-needed break from all of this, and I'm going to get active. Swimming, hiking, taking the bus when I can spare the time, eating less fatty foods... these things will make a difference.

I am on the verge of joining two other bands. ICON has been on hiatus, and Holly Golightly is gone. She hasn't called me, and I don't blame her-- what can I say to her? What can she say to me? Her friend Ellen wasted no time in recruiting me for her band, and ironically enough the rehearsal we had last week was really good. The musicians Ellen assembled were great guys whom I vibed with very strongly. It helps that Ellen plays guitar, and therefore understands (somewhat) the vocabulary by which musicians communicate.

No women on the horizon, no love prospects looming. Haven't had the time. I am not worried that the well has run dry-- I am more concerned that I will get distracted from the things that matter the most right now. Simply put, even if there was a special lady that I've had my eyes on, I wouldn't be able to give her anything except excuses for why I'm staying late at the Garage.

Right now is a good time, an urgent time. The nation stands on the verge of making a "choice" but for me things are changing already, thanks to the choices I've made recently. As I get older, it gets easier to get plans together and execute them to their logical conclusions. The days of jacking off instead of putting my nose to the grindstone are over... "Fuck the dumb shit, just get the work done" seems to be my motto now.

I've always been a hard worker, but it's just been a question of having the right collaborators. Paulie and I were never afraid to put in above and beyond the necessary hours, but when we used to make music there were other factors involved, such as different people's opinions. Our band wasn't derailed by anything he or I did, but rather by other band members. Now that it's down to just me and the two brothers, I feel like we have the perfect dynamic. Paulie and I are practically brothers anyway, and Peter and I have bonded because of this project.

The other night, Paulie's girlfriend Nona commented at dinner on how we were all wearing similar outfits and ordering pretty much the same thing to eat. Why do girls notice those types of things? Guys are clueless to those types of coincidences.

Her comment prompted me to say, "This is a gang, Nona." I was joking, but I was right-- to get anything done in a group, that gang mentality has to come into play, that "us against them" attitude that keeps your loyalty grounded in what is good for the collective as a whole instead of what each individual wants.

I mean, my individual needs are met on a daily basis. Just having this much control over my work is satisying for me. I don't need to have every idea make the grade. There's give and take-- all of us have had our ideas alternately embraced and/or displaced. It's all part of the deal, and luckily we've all had equal input: Paulie is the originator of the concept and the audio/music director; I am the visual designer and co-writer; Peter is the one who takes what we've done and synthesizes it into something presentable.

Without each other, we are incomplete. Peter is gifted with the computer but can't draw; I am not as savvy as Peter when it comes to the animating aspect but I have a good eye; Paulie has the money, the resources and the time but doesn't trust anyone to do the work that we do. When we form like Voltron, we can get the job done and then some.

I am looking forward to setting up the website. As soon as the Copyright Office lets us know that we are all ready to go, I'll start posting web addresses and links. Of course, you all will be among the first to know.

Wish me luck.