9 million times

I was at her house, half-asleep, on Sunday night, spent from driving all around L.A., accepting gifts and salutations.

It was time for me to get going. I saddled up next to her sleepily, and as I was gathering my strength to arise and put my shoes on, I noticed she was weeping.

Of course, I couldn't leave her like that.

She finally broke down and said that she saw one of my friends at my birthday party and got jealous. And it triggered a flood of trust issues, all of them relating to Dick, her ex, the guy who broke her heart by leaving her when she thought he never would.

She started saying all this shit that no longer has any effect on me because I've heard it, like, 9 million times. You know the spiel: I'm toxic... you could do so much better than me... I'm not good enough for you... you're better off with someone else... I hope you and so-and-so get together and are happy...

That kind of talk, ladies, is a cop-out. Any guy who falls for it at this point in the game is a sucker. You mean to tell me that I don't know what's best for me? You mean to tell me that you are an authority on how I feel and that I'm clueless as to what makes me happy?

Please...

So I dropped it on her: when she told me I should "start shopping", I told her, "I already tried that-- after we had our falling out, around this time last year."

I told her about Monique, how I fell into a two-week love spree that had me wondering if I was supposed to move on or re-evaluate my existence or Lord knows what... I didn't get too specific.

"I tried shopping around...and it didn't work," I told her.

Right now, we're taking some time to be apart. She has deep-seated issues, and no one ever said this would be easy.

What's interesting is: the girl that made her feel jealous has been jealous of her for much longer. The irony is mind-boggling.

I don't know what what the future holds for us, but I can only be patient. That's all I can do.

That's all I ever do.