cosmic prankster

Hear about that Wal-Mart website snafu? If not, here's a link to the news item, which revolves around an ad for the DVD Planet Of The Apes on the beleagured retailer's website. You can read the article for yourself.


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I read so many Zen stories that I am sated, almost gorged from the generous online helpings. I stopped after a while, because an intriguing pattern began to emerge.

In almost every one of the Zen stories, the Zen Master is a cosmic prankster of sorts. His instructions border on cruelty and mischief, and although he clearly does not delight in tormenting the Zen students who seek enlightenment, I can't help but laugh at the way the Zen Masters seem to be mind-fucking their pupils.

One Zen story centers around a little boy who imitates the gestures of the Zen Master. Every time the master is asked about Zen, he simply holds his index finger up. The boy apes this behavior, until one day the master grabs the boy and cuts off his finger. As the boy runs away and cries in pain, the master calls after him.

When the boy turns around, the Zen Master holds his finger up again. And that, according to the story, is when the boy became enlightened.

Strange, eh?

To the rational mind, this is downright evil. But I get the feeling that Zen resists definition because of the rationalization that our brains develop in order to comprehend the things around us.

I liken Zen to pimping: "The game is to be sold and not to be told" is the pimp's motto. Likewise, my friend Zen Master recently commented, "The Buddha that can be told is not the eternal buddha..."


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I am far from enlightened.

I get jealous, I get angry, I get depressed, I go too far with drink and vice, I shoot off at the mouth, I lose my patience, I rage against the seemingly insurmountable odds, I howl in pain...

I am seeking.

I am a bit of a mind-fucker myself, but I don't think it has to do with being enlightened. Detached, maybe. I know that I am able to go into meditative trances on my own, without thinking or planning it. But that is a far cry from mastery.

I am blind, but I am able to see what others cannot. I can walk into a room and just know. It's as if the invisible lines that connect us all-- that correspond to each of our respective paths --are clearly visible to me and only me.

My daily dilemma is pretending that I don't know what lies within the heart of a person. My problems stem from not being able to reconcile the intent with the presentation. A person can say one thing and do another, and not even be aware of it.

I call them as I see them, and it hurts the ones around me. I am forcing them to deal with things they'd rather not think about, and in a way it's as if I am trying to bring them down with me into the abyss of dark thought.

I don't deny the darkness in my soul. Sometimes I even revel in it. For the sake of balance, I must embrace it.


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Ever see that movie My Bodyguard?

I saw it as a kid. Matt Dillon, Adam Baldwin, Ruth Gordon, Martin Mull, Chris Makepeace, Joan Cusack-- those are just a few of the names in this lost gem.

It's a simple coming-of-age story set in Chicago, in a high school. A boy is being bullied by a punk, so he enlists the services of the school loner. A friendship blossoms between the loner and the boy, and after a few ups and downs they both learn to stand up for themselves and their respective fears.

The message ultimately celebrates violence as an answer, but as an adult I see a movie like this in a different light. In the perspective of a heroic journey, the climactic showdown is actually necessary. Yes, violence in and of itself begets more violence, but the movie is so wonderfully acted and well-written that a humanity emerges. It doesn't end up being a Popeye scenario, where might means right. Rather, the message is that some things are worth fighting for, such as self-respect and dignity.

Adam Baldwin's performance is absolutely amazing. It's been almost 15 years since I last saw this movie, and his portrayal of the loner with a rumor-laden rep and a dark secret makes the film a moving experience, fraught with all the angst that comes with adolescence (mine in particular).

I mention this movie because it's on TV right now, and I'm watching it. If you haven't ever seen it, rent it or catch it on cable if it's on.

Have a nice weekend, people...