best friends

It was good what we did yesterday
And I'd do it once again
The fact that you are married
Only proves you're my best friend
But it's truly, truly a sin

--Velvet Underground, "Pale Blue Eyes"


No, I didn't have sex with a married woman. I just like those lines.

Eve is my best friend. And it leaves me in a predicament, because I rarely have the urge to want to sleep with my best friend. That's because my best friends have normally been guys.

What is a best friend anyway? Some would say that it is the one friend who is the closest to you. I've had a number of best friends in my life, but right now, at this very moment, Eve is not only my ex-girlfriend but my best friend.

But passions still get in the way. Why, just yesterday she chewed me out for being a sexist. I try not to be like that, but years of conditioning have done a number on me, despite my moral umbrage regarding male chauvinism.

But she called me this morning and left a voice message:


"I just wanted to call and tell you that, with all the harsh things that I said yesterday, you're still my best friend, so hopefully it didn't hit you too hard... anyway, I'm going to the movies tonight but maybe we can hook up later..."


I heard it when I got to work-- I am able to check my phone messages via computer, thanks to sbcuc.net, and it was very touching.

She was upset because I stuck my foot in my mouth once again and insinuated that she wasn't as busy as me, even though she juggles her job with acting classes, therapy, storyboard assignments for directors, auditions, and a whole other set of friends whom I have yet to meet... and to tell you the truth, I'm in no hurry to meet. Not that they're bad people-- it's just that Eve has a social life beyond me, and it would be selfish of me to demand access to that world.


*/*


If I was your one and only friend
Would you run to me if someone hurt you
Even if that somebody was me?
Sometimes I trip on how happy we could be...

--Prince, "If I Was Your Girlfriend"


The hardest thing in the world for me to face in the not-too-distant future will be the moment when Eve informs me that she has fallen in love with someone she recently met. Likewise, I think she would be at least a little jealous if I told her one day that I've found the woman of my dreams.

If my best friend were a man, then it would be all high-fives and raunchy jokes, but it just so happens that my best friend is Elaine to my Jerry.

Because of this, I cannot ever speak to Eve about my summer dalliances. It would hurt her, or make her upset. If she asked me about them, I would fess up and tell her everything, but she hasn't, so I won't volunteer anything.

Eve doesn't know it, but last week I was depressed because it is now very clear to me that Monique is not coming back to California. In a weird way, I saw Monique as my escape hatch-- if she and I could make it work, then my dependence upon Eve would wane, and we could be on friendly terms with no uncertainty.

I have come to realize that it's part of my nature to let a woman have her hold on me until I meet another. Then, I use the new girl as a way of freeing myself from the grip that the first girl had on me. But all that is, really, is akin to a fish flopping out of the proverbial frying pan and into another one that hasn't warmed up yet.

I haven't fallen into the fire so far, but leave it to me to get to that eventually.


*/*


I've been wandering 'round
But I still come back to you
In rain or shine
You've stood by me, girl
I'm happy at home

--Queen, "You're My Best Friend"


Having platonic female friends is getting harder and harder to do, as time goes on and my libido increases.

Instead of getting less horny over time, I am getting more horny. I think it has to do with spending 8 hours a day at a computer. I think it has to do with not being physical enough: no sports, no active hobbies other than playing music...

I'm trapped inside my mind all of the time, and all I can think about is sex.

So I've been learning yoga. I don't know the names of all the positions yet, but there's Down Dog, and Child Pose, or whatever. I like it-- I'm getting the hang of it. It reminds me of cross-country running in high school, the last physical hobby I ever indulged in. We used to stretch our limbs every day, then go and run until we couldn't take it anymore.

And who has been teaching me these yoga techniques? My best friend, that's who.

Her face lights up when I ask her to teach me new things. She loves cooking for me, but not in a submissive-woman way-- more like the way some of my best male friends like to barbecue for their friends.

She cares about me.

And after all we have been through, it makes sense for us to be like this.

This past Saturday, she and I got drunk and jumped into my car with a video camera in tow. We went around my neighborhood, catching the Christmas displays on the adjacent blocks. At one point, Eve stuck her torso out of the passenger side window, camera in hand, and told me to gun it as she got some shots of the street. Then, we went back to my place and watched the footage while cackling our asses off. It was dangerous and lacked all good judgement, but it was so fun because we were together, partners in crime.

We both agree that sex makes things incredibly complicated for the both of us. It's not like we don't want it, and it's not like we can't have it-- it's just a lot easier for us to be friends, because then we don't have to worry about making any demands on the other.

Besides, I like being friends first with the women I sleep with, because that's just the way I am. We Aquarius' crave that.

The only problem is, will I ever meet a girl who would be cool with me having a best friend like Eve?


TO BE CONTINUED