discipline

Most people, upon hearing the word "discipline", think of one of two things:

1. Punishment in a parent-child relationship, and
2. Punishment in a master-servant bondage context

Wikipedia has a pretty good definition of the word:


"Discipline is any training intended to produce a specific character or pattern of behavior, especially training that produces moral or mental development in a particular direction. It is a widely held belief that most people, even those disinclined to harm others or self, lack discipline.

Discipline, while often thought to be a coercive mechanism, can be a collaborative process of building consensus regarding accepted behavior within institutions and society. Ultimately, leaders should model and promote collective rules while allowing for feelings and appropriate outlets to non-conformists."


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I bring up discipline because yesterday my co-worker Sascha and I were talking about it. He had mentioned running into one of my friends, a nice guy with tons of intelligence and creativity but no motivation.

I said to Sascha, "It's frustrating, you know? Dude's got the skills to be anything he wants to be, but he can't make it work. He got fired from his last job because he was checking his e-mail, and when his bosses asked him to stop, he told them 'It's MANDATORY that I do this'... so they axed him."

Sascha said, "Mandatory?"

"That's what he said. He could've handled it better, don't you think? So now he's installing security alarms... and I don't know how long that will last, to tell you the truth." I wasn't that upset about it, but it did irk me a bit to know all of this.

"Let me tell you something," Sascha said. "People like you and me, the reason why we manage to get along the way we do is because we have discipline. I grew up in a home where my dad was not a discipliner-- he's a big goof-off. I had to discipline myself if I had any designs to be something in the future. And I'm glad I did. But I also know that I am not as disciplined as I could be. I'm always working towards that."

I replied, "People forget that a big part of discipline is not just pointing out what is wrong, but also what is right. Discipline with children is not just scolding or admonishing-- praise is a form of discipline too. Encouragement also."

Then I agreed with Sascha that I have a long way to go in terms of my own discipline. I'm sure there are people out there who see me as squandering my potential. But I can only go as fast as I am comfortable with, which happens to be faster than most but not as fast as I know I can go.

I should be a millionaire by this time, right? Well, the way I see it, if that is the case then I'd also have an ulcer, a bald patch atop my head, and a string of broken relationships in my wake. I am careful to not get overly ambitious, because life is not just about how much money you can make in how short of a time... it's also about enjoying yourself in the down time, savoring the moments in-between the endeavors and tasks.


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A lot of my bright but unmotivated friends are constantly griping about the world around them, how nothing is fair, how everyone is out to get them, how the odds are stacked against them so why should they try...

As a narcissist, I recognize their own N-supply. I see that they want things handed to them. I don't think there is anything wrong with that line of reasoning in and of itself. Personally, my motto for a long time has been "This world owes me a living"... but over time even I have realized that there has to be some give-and-take in the equation.

I can't have everything for the price of nothing. Sacrifice is required. Humility also. Gratitude helps.

A lot of my friends are humble and gracious, but then they get into this mode where they expect the world to hand itself over to them, and when it doesn't work out they get upset. I can understand that, because I am the same way. But I think the main difference that Sascha was alluding to is in regards to our attitudes towards adversity.

My above-mentioned friend (whom I will name "Jonas") considers himself a disciplined person: he studies kung fu, tai chi, and wrestling; he is adept at computer programming; he is smart and funny and resourceful... but he cannot keep a steady job because they are always "beneath him" in some way.

Hey, if a job is beneath him, I agree that he shouldn't have to keep working there. But then he complains about his lot in life, how he hasn't made any progress in years, how he's still in the same boat he was in ten years ago.

It doesn't add up logically. He doesn't see that HE is the problem, not the world.

Telling him as much only makes him defensive. I am know for my passionate arguments, so someone like Jonas writes off my observations as just another attempt on my part to get a rise out of people.

But I know that I have the capacity to work at a job that is beneath me, always keeping my mind on the next step. Granted, maybe I'm not moving along as fast as others would like, but whenever I look back I am proud of my achievements. I have always made progress.

Even when I got laid off in 2003, by the time I was working again (5 months later) I was making the same amount of money I was making before the lay-off, which isn't really progress until you consider that most people take a pay cut after a lay-off, just because they are desperate for work.

If life deals me a blow so hard that I must step backward, I make it a point to make up for that, so that I can catch up.

After three years of moving from apartment to house to home, toiling away in this job without a raise, and dealing with all sorts of dramas, I think I am caught up. And I like that feeling, because it would've been very easy for me to give up and just start living off of my parents.


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I know, not everyone is made out of the same cloth as me or Sascha. In fact, most of my unmotivated friends are probably smarter and more talented than me.

So how to explain their inability to get something going for themselves? Lack of self esteem? No, not these folk-- they may seem like they have no confidence, but when they really want something they'll move mountains to get it. Unfortunately, they only focus on temporary, short-term goals: copping enough money to buy something unnecessary, like drugs or alcohol or the latest Playstation game.

Maybe they had a bad upbringing. Okay, assuming that, shouldn't they be going about bettering their neuroses, through therapy or some sort of process that forces them to take a REAL assessment of their situation? Someone like Jonas thinks that karate is the key, but he's so unbalanced in his personal life that I wonder if it does him any good at all. Maybe his study of martial arts is motivated by rage or anger, instead of the wish for self-improvement-- in that case, he'll simply become a bully, instead of a well-rounded human being.

I think alienation is the reason why these near-geniuses cannot function. They lack a certain social grace that would enable them to navigate their way through society in a deterministic manner.

Jonas, for example, has difficutly communicating with women. A friend of Purple Paulie's told me the story about how Jonas managed to get a date with one of the hottest girls in their circle of friends. No one could figure out what Jonas did, but needless to say the girl was into him, and all he had to do was play his cards right to seal the deal.

What happened? Well, when it came time to "consummate", Jonas instead asked the girl if he could masturbate on her instead of having sex with her. This freaked her out, and she left the room in a hurry. Jonas couldn't understand what was so unreasonable about his request, not realizing how insensitive he was being by reducing her to a mere object by which he could pleasure himself.

It also raises questions about how well he deals with true intimacy. That he'd rather masturbate than engage in the real thing demonstrates a disassociation and a disconnect in his way of thinking.

I am guilty of such disconnects. Sometimes, I say things that are foolish and presumptive, and only until later do I realize what I've done. Usually, the offended party has to spell it out to me. But in my case, I am aware of this disconnect and it makes me ill to think that I am capable of doing it.

Rather than just saying "I'm sorry" I make an effort to understand my behavior. Like I said, I am not the most disciplined person in the world, even though I am probably more disciplined than most people. I still do things to excess, I still break the rules and step on people's toes in order to gratify my appetites.

But you don't hear me complaining about my role in society. I'm very happy and proud of what I've accomplished in my life. And I have the battle scars to prove it.


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"Discipline is derived from a Latin word which meant to learn. Hence also the origin of the English word disciple which meant one who learns. Disciple is used to translate the original Greek word of the New Testament, pronounced math-ay-tes, which means the same, a learner."

--some link I found in a Google search


One last thing to add: the reason why someone like Jonas is the way he is might be due to an unwillingness to learn anything useful.

As stated before, the man is smart. He absorbs information quickly. He applies it properly, and possesses many talents. But he is a Renaissance Man of the dilettante order, Jack of All Trades, Master of None.

He may claim to be a disciple of some sort of philosophy or way of life, but his actions run counter to those claims. He has nothing to show for it at the end of the day.

For me, I have a lot of things to show for what I've devoted my life to: this blog, to name one example; my writings, none of them formally published; my songs, none of them released officially; my art, only one piece of which has been displayed and none of which have been purchased...

It is more important for me to finish my projects and move on to the next thing, rather than keep too many things on the backburner. The larger the project, however, the more time is required. My novel may never be finished in terms of editing, but I have no need to add any more to its content. I have ideas for the next novel, but they are still stewing in my mind.

On this blog, I've tried to start new story ideas, only to leave them stranded. All this tells me is that this blog is a terrible place to try and compose a novel. But, when the bug bites me to do so, I will have at least three unfinished stories to complete, and then I can add them to the pile of completed stories sitting in my personal archives.

Before I deleted my old blog, I printed up my story about Holly Golightly and the band. I found it the other day-- I was proud of it. Yes, it is merely a fraction of the half a million words I invested into that blog, but if the end result was a story such as DEJA VU ALL OVER AGAIN, then it was all worth it.

I can never understand perfectionists. Let me re-phrase that: I've met many true perfectionists, but I have never understood the faux perfectionists, who leave everything open-ended with no resolution in sight. Musicians are the guiltiest parties to this trend: they are afraid to say "The song is finished" or if it is finished they are afraid to let it be stretched and expanded upon by the input of others.

At some point, you have to wrap it all up. If something comes along to add flavor to it, include it... but one shouldn't go overboard.

I'll tell you what I need to work on: my patience. I have no tolerance for people who lack cohesive visions. It's all a bunch of sound and fury to me, if there's no glue to bind everything together.

Maybe I should devote the next month to being patient, and taking it slowly. I don't know if I can adhere to that, but I will try. A part of me feels that I will be successful in this regard.

This concludes my long and drawn-out blog post. Have a nice weekend, people.