full moon fever dreams

I had a beautiful weekend, filled with drink, food, and entertainment. I was surrounded by friends and family, and I got a lot of things done.

So why am I feeling so weird today?

Maybe it's because I fell down in my kitchen this morning, when the chair gave way underneath me and sent me crashing to the floor. I knew the chair was faulty but I momentarily forgot about it. The fall was a BIG reminder.

Maybe it's because, despite being told a week in advance and getting a call from my father on the day of, I missed my grandmother's birthday party. It's no biggie: my family is humongous and she probably didn't even miss me, what with her senility kicking in. Plus, her actual birthday is Tuesday, and I can make up for it tomorrow.

I just feel bad because I had no excuse to miss the party. My absent-mindedness is not an alibi, and the fact that my father called me to remind me and it went in one ear and out the other... I feel guilty, because there was no reason why I should've missed it.

Maybe it's the full moon. After all, Eve spaced out on her friend's baby shower, thinking it to be Saturday instead of Sunday. She received a reminder call the day of, just like me, but she made the party... despite not wanting to be surrounded by girly-girls doing girly-girl things.

Maybe it's the fact that things are starting to resemble something close to 'normal', and yet at the same time I am being reminded of things that are slightly askew.


*/*


An example of this arose Saturday, when Eve asked me to drive out to Valencia for her cousin's birthday party.

I showed up, because I knew Eve was having a bad time of it. In her family, she is the 'black sheep', and all eyes are on her. She got sick of family asking her if she was alone or not, so she figured inviting me would shut them up.

I felt out-of-place, but I didn't act like a diva. I mingled as much as I could, and truth be told I get along with many people in her family. They all remember me from the high school days, and I think they are glad that she is no longer dating Dick. Apparently, Dick never endeared himself to the family at all.

I even managed to get a pat on the back from her stoic father. It's very rare that I seek the approval of somebody else, but Eve's father is one of those people whom I wish to one day sit down with and talk about real things. But Eve says that her father is not like that at all. Still, I saw the pat on the back and the occasional comments that he made in my prescence as progress. Yes, he didn't walk up to me and start talking away, but I appreciate the fact that he didn't outright avoid me either.

On the other hand, Eve's stepmom was tipsy and talkative. She made me feel awkward with her insistence on bringing up the past. At one point, she had her arm around me, telling me that she always liked me and that she's glad I am with Eve again. She also declared that she is not a bad person, and hoped that I wasn't feeling awkward by being at their family function.

"See, we're a normal, happy family, aren't we?" she asked me as I smoked a cigarette at the side of the house.

"Yes, no doubt, " I said, feeling uncomfortable.

The jarring thing about her stepmom is her instability: because I wasn't all smiles and accepting of her declarations, it could all backfire at any moment. She might see my reluctance to engage her in conversation as an opportunity to turn on me again.

"I hope you don't feel awkward or out of place, given all the history between us..."

I lied and said, "No, I feel fine." Then I added, "Don't bring up stuff that happened so long ago. Everything is different now."

"You know," she said, as she looked around the backyard, "if you want to marry Eve, we're all for it."

"Okay, NOW I feel awkward," I said to her.


*/*


Eve was so tense because of the party that when we arrived at her place we fell asleep immediately. It was only 9pm, and we were supposed to go over to Purple Paulie's house later on and work on the animation. But we were so exhausted... the expectations of the party really took a toll on us.

Ironically, things with Eve are really nice. The 'honeymoon phase' is leveling off a bit, and she and I are not ensnared in any petty personal dramas. She and I are on the same page. Occasionally, one of us is grouchy, due to lack of sleep or lack of eating or stress at work, but we know each other so well that those types of things get glossed over easily, as they should be.

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. We haven't made official plans, but Eve and I will probably go out to dinner with The Dynamic Duo. I am looking forward to having some low-key fun with people I care about. Then, on Wednesday, one of my bands is playing a private party at Universal Citywalk, and Eve will be there with a friend of hers.

For the first time in a long time, things between Eve and I are more than kosher. I don't want to jinx it-- I just want to continue having a good time with her, having deep conversations and sharing big laughs. Even with all the weirdness going on in other parts of our lives, right now the both of us are finding some sort of center with each other. It's really a good thing.

Yes it is.