A cursory Google search* of the phrase "honeymoon phase" yields a surprising array of links. Most of them are related to abusive relationships and refer to the make-up period before the abuse begins again.
I don't think I'm in an abusive relationship. We aren't fighting and in fact we are pretty civil to each other, even when we are upset. But I do get warnings from concerned friends who see me going backwards and not forwards. Their intentions are true, and I love them for it, but I think things are going to be OK.
More Google results show that "honeymoon phase" also refers to the time frame immediately after a couple is happily wed. This should be the number one result in any search, because this is the way the phrase was first defined, to me and to scores of others.
The fact that "honeymoon phase" now yields more online results in regards to abusive relationships is a telling sign of the times, don't you think? Or is it just business as usual, another cultural dirty secret that gets swept under the rug by people living in denial?
I Googled the phrase because it popped into my mind today. I feel like I'm in a honeymoon phase with Eve. I know this is not the way it will always be, but at the same time it is also a good omen for the future.
Simply put, it is everything I've been seeking.
Normally, this part of the deal scares me. It sends me running with my arms flailing as I scream frantically. But now that Eve and I have been honest with each other about how we feel, I see it in a different light.
She came to my show the other night. Does she dig the music? I don't think that makes a difference. She supports it, and that's what matters. She didn't have to be there, but she was, and I recognize how fortunate I am to have her on my side.
I hope she knows that I'm on her side too.
I'm in such a good mood that I don't even care about the $40 parking ticket I got this morning. It's Thursday, and they do street sweeping on her block from 8am to noon.
We have already made plans to see her parents on Super Bowl Sunday. She asked me last night, and I told her I'd sleep on it. Today, I said I would show up. It will be weird, to be sure, because these are the people who effectively kept us apart when we were teens. But my motives for going are different: Eve's brother and his partner are going also, and they need all the support they can get. Their parents are still a little weirded out at their son being gay.
It's an opportunity to set the record straight in many respects. I never hated her parents, but I couldn't understand their bias towards me. They were schizophrenic about it: one day they'd invite me over for dinner, and then the next day they'd ban her from seeing me. Was it something I said? Something she said? Or were they just vindictive meanies? Maybe they thought they were protecting their daughter from the forces of brown-skinned evil. Or perhaps they were afraid that they might like and respect me...
Either way, it's water under the bridge now. Nothing they can do or say will get in the way of us being together now, and they know it. It feels like a strange kind of victory, but I know that it's more complex than that.
Anyway, let's hope that when the "honeymoon phase" comes to its inevitable end, the ensuing reality will not overwhelm us.
After all, it's only reality.
There's nothing to be afraid of, is there?
*=Are you checking this, Mr. President?
7 comments:
I wonder who first thought up the term honeymoon? I mean, honey and moon to represent the time to play right after you get married? Uh... nevermind... I guess it does make sense after all. :)
Oh right.
That Girl
was the long space at the end deliberate? :)
Just be your clever, intelligent, likeable self and they will love you! Besides you are like a saint compared to that other guy...they have to realize that.
Yes, the long space WAS deliberate.
Here's the thing. There are always waves, ebbs and flows, ups and downs. Honestly, the few months leading up to my wedding and the year after were not all that fabulous, for various reasons. But now, things are really good again. And I'm sure that this is how it will be for the rest of my life--a cycle.
My point: "honeymoon phase" referrs to the initial wonder of any relationship...before the reality sets in that your life really isn't that different, the essence of your being isn't that different, you still have to go to work and clean up the cat shit.
It means that there will be a letdown, and not only that, that there will never be a high point again.
Therefore, there should be another term for what really happens, that over the long term there will be peaks and valleys, but that you will enjoy the peaks every time they come around with the same passion you did the first time.
Besides, how can 'honeymoon phase' apply when there is so much history there? Even setting aside round I as kid stuff, teenage romance, round II has been in the works for quite sometime now.
It's frightening when things go well, isn't it? It's hard not to look for the letdown around the corner, I know. But sometimes the best course of action is to surrender and see where it takes you.
--J
Yes, it's terrifying when things go well. You know me, J, more than most anyone else, and you know how hard it is for me to relax and enjoy the scenery, to 'surrender' so to speak.
It's time I stopped fighting the feeling of dread that rears its head whenever things get nice and cozy. It's time I stopped being afraid of being happy.
I'm a grown-ass man, after all...
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