masculinity

This link caught my attention.

It says that, online, women and men have distinguishable traits that can be discerned from their writing styles.

This is something I can agree with, but with the standard Drawzian twist: I make no bones about my writing style being "feminine", despite my manly subject matter and insistence on documenting male juvenalia in its purest forms.

The biggest thing I learned about my blogging is that I attract way more females to my blog than males. Yes, men read what I have to say, but rarely do they comment-- and if they do, it's usually to try and hate on me or prove they are smarter... which they are not, of course.

Women make up the core of my blog audience, and I am proud of that-- but it was shocking to me at first. I guess finding out who your audience is can be jarring if it doesn't match your expectations. I figured I would attract adolescent teenage boys or men who spend too much time playing XBOX, but that is not the case.


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Eve did my tarot again. This time it was one of the best readings she's ever done for me. The future looks bright, and I feel like I am in control of every situation currently being thrown in my face.

It was her idea. She pulled out the cards and I complied. I don't know what motivated it, but it doesn't matter. It really is just entertainment. But it's thoughtful entertainment, and when the results jive with what I am feeling, it only makes the game more fun.


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I spent Friday night coked out of my mind with The Wolf Man, who is now our ex-drummer. He was lonely and had a bag of white powder that he didn't want to sniff alone. I consented, so long as we worked on music while doing it.

We came up with another cool tune, but to be honest it would've gone easier if I had not snorted any "yayo". Maybe if he brings it by again, I will set everything up before getting high, then proceed to sniff my brains out.

I was up until 5AM, but I am up that late without the aid of drugs, so it's not much of a boast, is it?

I feel bad for people like Wolfie, because he is a cool guy with good intentions but he is massively insecure and is preoccupied with his own image. I recognize his narcissism, but his is more destructive and less evolved.

I let him do it because I would rather he be with me, doing it under supervision, than out and about, doing it alone or with people who only want to use him to get high and nothing more.

Cocaine is wasted on me, really. I AM cocaine, for all intents and purposes. I am always keyed up and ready to explode, and it takes alcohol and pot to bring me to a level somewhat resembling normal.

I wish that wasn't the case with me, but it is.


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Easter was cool. I hung out with the family and ate lots of food. I talked with my brother about The Bible while watching The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion The Witch and the Wardrobe, which is a religious allegory in case you didn't know.

I played with my niece and nephew, and talked with my mother about my cousins' soap-operatic lives. I took the opportunity to let her know that the things she was telling me were the key reasons why I am not intent on settling down anytime soon.

Once I get married and have kids, I have no intention of divorcing, paying alimony or finding a mistress. It's for good. It's for real. And I just don't think anyone can truly know what is real or not when they are in their early twenties or mid-thirties.

Not that I think I will ever know what is real... it's just that at least I will have decades of experience under my belt before deciding to commit to someone in that fashion. I know that I can be monogamous and loyal, but now it is a matter of finding someone who deserves my attention. I would hate to be married to someone who didn't appreciate what I do for them. Likewise, I wouldn't want to have kids with someone who didn't respect me as a person.

Sounds simple, but that's because it's written down. To actually practice such sentiments is harder than all hell.


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Talked with Nicole over the weekend. She was seeing some dude for a while after we had gone our separate ways last year. Dude got her pregnant, and she had an abortion.

She was OK about it. It did not traumatize her; if anything, it reaffirmed her belief that she is not ready for motherhood, not while she is unhappy with her job and living in Los Angeles.

The dude, on the other hand, was completely devastated by her decision. But it's her decision. If the dude had been all for an abortion with Nicole being the one wanting to keep the baby, it still is her decision, because it's her body and she's the one who has to carry it to term.

This is something guys have a hard time with, to varying degrees. But ultimately, the ball is in the woman's court. And that's why it is important to have the choice in the first place. Even if they don't exercise their right to abort, they should still have the option, and it should be a decision that comes naturally.

I am not one of those guys who is defined by the quality of his seed. I could even argue that the quality of my literary seed is far more important to me than the quality of my biological seed.

This blog is my baby. It's one of thousands of children I have given birth to over the years. I have sired entire generations, complete broods... each of them possessing some sort of value.

In this regard, I am quite virile and potent. As for biological reproduction, who cares? I can always adopt if I have to... As a man, I am not measured by my sperm count but by the content of my heart and mind.

I have even aborted some of my progeny if I felt that I was not ready to have them. My first blog is a good example of this, but that was more of a miscarriage.

In many respects, I am already a father, not just to my art but to my friends, as well as being a role model for my family. I am a respectable person who is barely beginning to realize that I am far more mature and responsible than I ever imagined.

I am not perfect, but I feel comfortable in this skin.

That, my friends, is more important than anything else in this world.