tarot

About a week ago, Eve read my Tarot. A bunch of seemingly negative cards kept coming up. I forgot which ones were picked out, but every meaning she pulled out of her Tarot book seemed to be a doomsday omen.

After a while, I laughed and said, "What the fuck?"

Eve insisted that these "negative" cards were signs of things I need to overcome, obstacles that I need to get by, hang-ups I need to get over...

I think her Tarot forecast was very accurate, given the way things have been in the past two weeks.

Last night I thought about what the hell I am doing, playing in bands where I have no control over the content of the music, the crowds we play to, the venues we book or the location of these venues. I thought about how I still don't get paid, and in fact I have to pay out of my own pocket in order to assist someone else in satisfying their own ego and control freakishness.

I've been writing original music again, for the first time in a long time. Most of the songs I've been working on for the past few years have been older recordings that I wanted to remix, but I'm over all of that now.

I want to create something new.

I am going to let the notion of quitting all of these bands stew in my head for a bit. Then, if it gains momentum, I will tell all of the respective bands that, as much as I want to help them out, I am getting nothing out of it that can help me in the long run.

Basically, I am going to be a dick and say, "I need to get paid or else I can't do this anymore."

I don't expect them to bend over backwards or pay me. I expect them to say "Sorry" and find someone else to play bass for them. There's a ton of them out there.