"BE MORE"

From the Spring 2001 notebook:

I've got her taste on my lips
yet I've never even kissed her
I tune into her with a
psychic transistor & read her signals
My chances seem dismal to even
that she will be leaving with me
by the end of the night
believing in me when the moment is right
She'll reveal all to me & I might
fight the feeling in spite of
the plight of my heart
dividing two sides of me apart

From the start
she is my target
What keeps me from attempting
to spark up a conversation?
Wish me lots of luck
I'm starstruck w/ starvation
in regards to the last time I ran
the whole nine yards
My loyalty broken into shards
from the last girl
I had to guard my world
but now I strain to pluck
this polished pearl
from off the seashore

I want to be more--
I want to be the
One
Two
Three
Four
The Fifth to approach her
bearing gifts
shifting gears
Will she allow me to lift her fears
above her?
Will she let me love her?
Will my passion continue under cover?

A romantic has-been like myself
gets lost in the labrynth
jaded & drunk on absynthe
building this elaborate mental mansion
where she and I would stay
"Be mine" I pray over & over
Press rewind & play
the scene in my mind until I'm sober
until the next time & the next day
I'm intoxicated on what it is to hold her
each minute getting older
and all of this
I haven't even told her...


I have no idea whom this poem was directed at, but it was probably Mary Jane, judging from the time frame when it was composed. I wish I had actually given a specific date, but if it was pre-9/11 then I figure it was about Mary Jane.

I haven't heard from her in a long time.

I think maybe I'll call her.