Last night I thought about some stuff, as I was at home making tracks on the computer. I thought about how I never entertained the notion that I was being used by women who were looking at me as if I were the key to their future stability.
I think the reason why it is such a shock is because I have never entertained the thought. But what would happen if I went with the flow, if I embraced that ideology?
What if I treated every girl as if they were after my wallet?
Well, for starters, I don't have much in my wallet to begin with. But maybe that's the point: When Eve and I were cavorting about, she was willing to pay for everything. I insisted on paying my share. Maybe what I should've done was let Eve pay for everything...
See what I'm getting at?
All of my friends know I'm notoriously broke. And why am I notoriously broke? What do I spend my money on?
Drugs? Ha! I don't spend enough on drugs. That acid I did the other night? Free, courtesy of Bill. Half the bongloads I smoke? Free. The majority of joints I toke? Free. Since the beginning of 2005, I've spent a grand total of $40 on weed. That's two twenty sacks-- two grams! Two grams in two months! All of my friends smoke, so I smoke with them. And I get them back when I have bud to spare, so it's reciprocal.
Granted, I have been cutting down drastically, but even for a casual, occasional smoker, two grams ain't shit! Especially if I'm sharing with others...
So I'm not wasting my money on drugs. What about other things?
Movies? Last one I went to see was The Incredibles, in November. Went to the Sick & Twisted Festival of Animation in January, but that's it. I haven't rented a DVD from Blockbuster since 2004, because now I found out I can rent brand new releases from the local library for $1. I bought Lost In Translation on DVD yesterday... for $10.
Music? I buy a CD a month, and I usually scoop it out of the bargain bins. Most of my music gets traded, or someone gives me a mix CD, or I download MP3s from free sites. I have a stack of burned CDs that I have yet to crack, a gang of vinyl that I have to pull out and convert to my computer, and a ton of tapes that are gathering dust. And I don't listen to the radio as much, and when I play in bands I go for weeks without listening to anything done by signed artists. I simply have too much music, and so I buy new releases sparingly. I bought the Raw Power reissue by Iggy & The Stooges last month, for a sale price at Tower Records. That's it.
Recreation? What's there to buy when I have all my recreational fun at home or at someone else's pad? I don't drink, so I don't hit up bars unless it's someone's birthday or a special occasion. I play music at home, and it doesn't cost me a thing-- I take blank CDs from work, and I don't charge myself by the hour to work on a track. I watch DVDs, VHS tapes, and I write and read books when I'm bored. In other words, I don't spend ANY money!
I do spend money, however, on my cigarette habit, which is up to a pack every two days. That's been my average for the past decade. The brand I smoke, American Spirits, is expensive. $5 packs three or four times a week add up after a while. That's about $15-$20 a week, and that averages out to $60 to $80 a month. That's my biggest expense.
So why am I always broke?
Because I owe a lot of bills, stemming from Christmas of 2003. Because I'm lazy and never make my utility payments on time. Because I have outstanding debts from traffic tickets and payday loans from the past. Because I don't make a whole lot of money at work, and I spend what's left over on food and transportation-- in this case, a bus pass.
Oh, and I pay $250 a month on my car that I haven't had the time or energy to fix up. It will be paid off this May. So come the summer, I will have $250 extra in my bank account every month.
My rent is dirt cheap for such a nice area of town. I don't have to pay for washing priveleges, and the bus pass keeps me from spending cash on expensive gas. I don't eat out as often, and in fact I've been eating less since Eve and I hit the skids.
Now, let me compare all of this to when I was with Eve.
We ate out all the time, save for those occasions where she felt like cooking up something.
We were buying a 12-pack of Newcastle every week, and she and I would go through it as quickly as possible.
We drove around a lot, which resulted in gas spending. The only thing we did that was cheap or free was working on the animation at The Garage. Oh, and sex. That was free for a while.
See what I'm getting at?
Maybe this is a sign, that I need to keep my mind on my money and my money on my mind more often. I'm not saying I'm going to become some shallow capitalist. But let it be known: I've always been a capitalist. I just believe that prices should be fair, but I still believe in pricing things to make a profit.
I make money all the time. My problem is that I spend it.
In the past, I've been cheap out of necessity. This time around, I'm going to be cheap because that's how the rich stay rich.
Don't believe me? Ask any pizza guy who gives the bigger tips, rich people or poor people. 9 times out of 10, the poor tip the pizza guy big because they know what a lousy job it is. The rich? They'll give the chintziest tips imaginable. I know, there's exceptions to every rule, but let's also face facts: the rich stay rich by hoarding their money.
I gotta stop treating people to dinners when I can't afford to do so. I gotta stop trying to hold my own with people who have no limits to their spending. And in the past five years, the biggest spenders I know have been women.
Jessica, my old roommate, was so bad when it came to spending that I literally had to push her through a store so that she wouldn't stop to look at anything. If we were there to buy one small thing, she would end up buying a coat that she didn't need, or a dress that she liked. I always had my eye on what we came to get, but I had to put blinders on the girl to get her to stop spending.
When I moved out, her habits got worse.
Eve spent money like water, and then she got mad when she had to pay out the ass to get her car fixed. She had offered to pay my gas bill in January, and I refused because I already had it in the bag. A week later, she had the accident, and I told her, "Aren't you glad I didn't let you pay my bill?"
But, maybe I should've let her pay. She offered it-- I should've said "Go ahead." I would've had to pay her back eventually, but it would have spared my ass for the short term. And besides, the money that she didn't lend to me she ended up spending on The Simpsons Third Season DVD box set.
See what I'm getting at?
Last night, before I came home, Paulie and Nona and I ate at Lido's Pizza in Van Nuys. Paulie usually pays for me as an incentive to keep me working. Last night I banged out eight pages of script for a new narration we are adding to the cartoon, at the behest of these producers who are digging our shit. They want Jenny The Bartender to have a more central role. We agreed, and I was jazzed to be doing more actual writing on the cartoon. We pieced together the script of the first episode, and so it lacks an internal structure. As much as I detest narration, it can serve a structural purpose... if done right.
I paid for my share of the pizza. You see, Paulie has paid for me so many times that my paying for my share last night was more of a goodwill gesture, a way of showing him that I don't want to take his benevolence for granted. This is a guy who, when we shared an apartment in North Hollywood, smoked me out for free for two years straight. I never asked him to smoke me out, he just offered.
In short, I'm a professional freeloader. It's gotten to the point that I barely ever spend any of my own money.
So, why am I always broke?
Because I am not a money kind of person. And maybe this is about the time that I started to think that way, because otherwise I'll be old and gray and penniless, which makes for a great romantic image but sucks to actually have to endure.
And that means that I can't be spending money on the chicks. And that means I'm gonna be jerking off for a while, but that's okay because I jerk off all the time anyway, whether or not I'm seeing anyone.
Oh, and I don't spend any money on porn. I download that for free. Sometimes I'll go and buy a magazine or a DVD, but that happens once every five months or so.
See what I'm getting at?
My first goal: get the car working again. I hope to have that done by month's end.
No comments:
Post a Comment