SO IT'S COME TO THIS

Eve,

I'm sitting here at work, thinking about the message I left on your phone this morning. I figure you will probably agree with me that this little enterprise has come to an end. The only reason why I'm even thinking like this is because I just don't have the time to deal with this bullshit. This is as petty as it gets, but what's new?

Anyway, I just want to address a few things.

Most likely you are writing me off as just another guy who you drove crazy. Whatever. I'm fine, thank you very much. Like I said, it's other people's insanity that drives me crazy, and you obviously have no intention of dealing with the things you need to deal with. I've tried to offer help but you push it away, and I'm not the type that says "Oh, she says no but she really means yes." You've made it perfectly clear that you don't need my help, so I'll offer what little I have to people who appreciate it.

You probably are thinking that I have no way of understanding what you are going through, that I don't know how hard it is for a woman to make it by herself nowadays. Well, I do know, because I have a mother and a sister who suffered through a whole lot of unnecessary crap thanks to my psycho father, whose reckless and sick actions destroyed my family and forced us to have to live like caged animals in fear for their lives until she could get a restraining order against him. You don't know how many times I had to call the cops or try to pull him off of her when they started brawling.

He kicked my ass a bunch of times, as I've told you. And I got him back for it. The bastard deserved it. No matter how hard I try, I still have a hard time letting that shit go, how he treated my mother afterwards. I've told you how upset I was at my mother for not throwing him in jail outright. That whole experience left me alienated from other men. I don't feel like I belong to that Boy's Club that women speak of-- I'm just as marginalized as you in this world. I may as well be a woman, the way my standing in life is.

I apologize for wanting to “save you”. I know how much you hate that, but I can’t help it. I told myself that I wouldn’t let things like this happen to anyone I cared about again, and I need to get over it. I’m afraid that Dick is going to kill you, and I feel powerless because you insist that I stay out of it. But do you understand why I am the way I am, because of my past experiences, dealing with the sins of my father?

I know you’re not helpless, but we all need help sometimes. None of us can do it alone.

It tears me up that you won't let me do anything for you, so I've got to hit the road. I have no idea what you think of me, and I'm just too tired of it to care right now. But know this: you won't have to worry about me coming around and lurking like your ex, trying to win you back. I never wanted to win you back-- I just wanted things to be cool again.

It was a mistake for us to sleep together, apparently, but I'm not bitter about the good times we had since September of last year. It beats the hell out of hating you for no reason, for five years. Thus, if I see you on the street or hear from you somewhere down the line, I won't be angry and I won't walk the other way in a rush, but I will not bother you either.

I just can't hang out with someone who won't communicate and be honest. I've been nothing but honest with you, but at the same time, if you recall, I made a promise not to be judgemental. And I think I did a pretty good job of not judging you and your actions, but enough is enough. The night you came by and told me Dick had come to your house filled me with rage, because I was supposed to be at your place the night he showed up. It made me wonder if you shelved our plans before or after he showed up. But then again, you insist that I should have no part in any of this, and you're right-- I don't know Dick at all, and I really don't care either way what happens to him. Never have, never will. It's not my past that is coming back to bite me on the ass, so why should I care?

I care because it involves you, and believe it or not, I think you are a good person. But you make really bad judgement calls, Eve, and this is one of them. I'm too old to be getting the runaround like this, and you're not going to open up to me, so fuck it-- let's just call it even and go our separate ways, okay?

Not to mention how fucking cold-blooded and cruel it was for you to "punish me" for an accidental slip of the tongue on my part by not calling me on my birthday. I was cool about it but the more I talk to people (no one you know) and see the disbelief in their eyes when I tell them why you didn't call me, the more I realize how vindictive and bitter you are. My fuck-up was not intentional, but you deliberately pulled this shit on me to hurt me. That's just so fucked up. I hope you got all the satisfaction in the world out of it, because it ain't happening again. I'm not an 8 year-old who needs "time out" because I've been bad. I'm a grown-ass man (albeit a fucked-up, immature one) and I will not tolerate the silent treatment or any of this cold bullshit you've been pulling out of your ass lately.

As for the cartoon, you'll get your credit. Hell, if we ever get any money for a budget, you'll get paid for it. I'm not scanless, I'm not a rip-off artist. Knowing you, though, you'll just say "Keep it" to which I say "Fat chance"-- I may be a little pissed right now, but I'm not unfair. Just tell me what you think your contributions were worth and it'll come out of my own pocket when the money comes through.

I know you don't have any faith or trust in me, so it doesn't bother me if you didn't have faith in the ADB project to begin with. A person like you is only as loyal as you can afford to be. If you think I'm mistaken, then fucking prove it to me instead of just talking tough.

See, that's the biggest irony of all. You talk a mean talk, but you don't back it up with anything. You claim to be independent but you get upset because I didn't "stand up for you" in front of a bunch of people who were there TO CELEBRATE NONA'S BIRTHDAY, not to bow down at your feet. You call me selfish? Hey, at least I admit it-- try thinking about someone other than yourself for once in your life.

I know independent women, and they don't act like that. Independent women would have gotten that restraining order against Dick no matter what; independent women wouldn't be afraid to tell a dumb-ass like myself that I don't think before I say anything, and they certainly wouldn't let it stew up until they were so mad they couldn't see straight; independent women would try to understand something like that and not retaliate by intentionally doing things to hurt someone.

Try raising your sisters at age 15 after your father dies in a terrible accident, like my mother. Try having a kid at 17, dropping out of high school and marrying a man you didn't love just because you wanted the baby to have a father. Try getting a divorce from a manic-depressive bipolar asshole who quotes the Bible and molests little girls. Try raising a family by yourself on food stamps, while living in Panorama City among drug dealers and gang-bangers. Try working two or three jobs while your 16 year old son stays at home on the weekends watching his kid sister and brother.

I know, I know, you’re not my mother. I’m not trying to make any comparisons of a Freudian nature. I don’t expect you to be anything but who you are. However, I’m afraid that either I am just way too out of touch or you just aren’t who I thought you were.

I know you've had it tough, Eve, and I'm sorry that your life has been this way. But others have had it just as tough, and they don't act the way you're acting. Don't think I don't know what it's like to suffer, because I do know. And all I know right now is that I'm done suffering over your bruised ego.

Goodbye

Maybe I'll run into you at Ralph's or something


--James