The Smiths were one of my favorite pop groups of the 1980's, but they never went to Number One in the States. The Dream Academy were a cool group from the same era, and had one major U.S. hit, "Life In A Northern Town".
There's a song by The Smiths that was covered by The Dream Academy and included on the soundtrack to the movie Ferris Bueller's Day Off.
It comes on during the scene where Matthew Broderick, Alan Ruck and Mia Sara make a trip to the museum. The scene has no dialogue, just the instrumental music playing as a montage of great works of art is juxtaposed with youthful insouciance: Ferris and his girl necking, Cameron wide-eyed and in awe of Seurat...
That version of that song is on my MP3 player, and when it came on in my earphones yesterday I was almost overwhelmed by its relevance, by its timelieness, for this is the first winter season in a long time where I've felt like I got the things I wanted for Christmas.
Even though this version of the song has no vocals, I know the words by heart:
Good times for a change
See, the luck I've had
can make a good man turn bad
So please, please, please
let me, let me, let me
let me get what I want this time
Haven't had a dream in a long time
See, the life I've had
can make a good man bad
So for once in my life
let me get what I want
Lord knows it would be the first time
Lord knows it would be the first time
I first learned how to play that song when I was 16 or 17, having borrowed the guitar book for the album Louder Than Bombs off of my musical collaborator-at-the-time, Fast Eddie. It was during a solitary summer, when I had shorn my long locks and started wearing contact lenses, that I learned this song, held this song close to my heart, internalized this song with the hopes of somehow getting what I wanted. And what did I want?
Peace in my soul.
I'm far from being completely peaceful, but I think I've finally gotten somewhere in my life in regards to finding refuge for my restless soul. I still possess many hang-ups, neuroses and flaws, but I am more accepting of these things than ever. I'm not as hard on myself as I used to be, and I can manage my rage more effectively than in the past.
I watched Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind on DVD, by myself, last night. I like the way screenwriter Charlie Kaufman's brain works-- I can relate to his loopy scenarios. He writes metaphysically, perhaps even 'pataphysically, but he also addresses the human condition, our wants and needs, our desire to be accepted and to love.
Sometimes, it's best not to get what you want, like when Jim Carrey's character in the movie attempts to erase from his mind the memory of a woman he loved.
I'm one of those folks who watches a movie and filters it through my own experiences. That is, I have to put myself in the shoes of the protagonist, no matter how far removed from me he or she is. If the hero is a cop, I am also a cop, even if I've never held a badge in my life. I project the character's idiosyncrasies and personality tics onto myself, or maybe it's the other way around-- I dunno.
Either way, there I was, just like Jim Carrey, trying to erase Eve from my mind, because I was so sure she had done that to me, when she was with Dick, when they were together leading a couple's life, pretending to be happy, pretending that life hadn't twisted and turned out this particular way.
And now she and I are like strangers, rediscovering each other, but with the familiarity of a thousand shared dreams and common experiences between us.
Life is too strange to figure out. I don't know why it has all turned out like this, but suffice it to say: this Christmas, I really did get the things I wanted.
Happy New Year, people. I know, it's just a few days away, but just in case I don't blog for the rest of this week, I'm saying it now.
PEACE
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