SLEEPLESS

The worst thing that feminism ever did was convince a generation of young men that women are the same as men.

They are not.

I didn't say they were less than men, nor did I say they were better or superior to men.

I'm just a slow learner, and I guess I still don't know what to say or do in certain situations.

Then again, I'm not a mind reader. Does that line sound familiar, ladies?

It's really no big thing, but Eve was feeling under the weather today and stopped by The Garage. She looked like she was mad at me, and I was right. She was.

It was a funny reason to be upset, but one that cuts right down to her essence: the night before, at my show, I had asked her to videotape the show with my camera. She joked about how I had been planning all night to spring it on her.

Of course, she was right-- I had been planning on sticking her with camera duty. But I tried to play it off like I hadn't, and when she called me on it I went into Apologetic Mode.

"Oh, well, if you don't want to do it, I don't want to force you..."

"I'm kidding. I'd love to film it."

It was too late-- I was already feeling guilty. You see, I sometimes have this tendency to order people around like they work for me. I felt like I'd stepped over the line. Eve kept saying it was okay.

So, anyway, she told me she was mad because she overheard me telling Dave the guitarist that Bro Man was the one who was going to operate the camera. It made her feel useless, to hear that. Never mind that she ended up filming the majority of the show, and that her footage was infinitely better than Bro Man's drunken snapshots and roving focus...

I didn't understand why she was mad. Normally, this is where I start to dissect the dillemma to the point that she gets frustrated with me and walks away. But this time I decided to try a different approach.

"I didn't realize that you would take it that way. I'm sorry."

She felt a little better.

I forget that, even as she puts on this air of being strong and brave and bold (as Aries girls are wont to do), underneath it all she is still sensitive, and still yearns to feel like her contributions matter.

"It's this thing with getting credit that I have," she said to me. "I always feel like I get shafted."

"I know what you mean," I said. And I do-- often times I feel like my ideas are not being heard, and it makes me crazy.

We watched the footage. I looked at her wearily-- It's my fault she's sick, I thought. I dragged her out on the town with me, got her drunk, and now...

"Were you late to work?" I asked.

"No, I made it on time," she said.

I felt less guilty.

But I think I'll wait until the weekend before we get together again. We bring out the best and the worst in each other. Maybe tomorrow I will take a bus over to her place and bring some chicken soup... oh wait, she's a vegetarian. Fuck it, I'll bring her some Top Ramen.

I haven't slept since Sunday night.