GLAMOROUS

I have no game.

I tried to talk up Katie during rehearsal last night, but all I could concentrate on was how out-of-her-league I was.

That has never stopped me from trying in the past. But somethig about her demeanor made me chicken out.

Her legs are longer than the mighty Mississippi. Her face reminds me of Famke Janssen playing Jean Grey in the X-Men movie. She has the kind of hair that models wear when they want it shorter than average but longer than a boy, tousled and carefully coiffed. She is stylish in a hip WeHo way, with a dab of Silverlake jutting out of her fuzzy overcoat.

She was an hour and a half late, but I forgave her as soon as she walked in the door. I was speechless. She barely noticed me. She did stand near me during rehearsal, but all I could look at was her ass, her impossibly upright posture as she struck her violinist pose, one leg bent, the other perfectly straight, poised to take off from the stratosphere at any moment.

I looked for flaws. She struck me as a tease, always flirting but rarely ever giving it away. She probably only dates Ashton Kutcher lookalikes... Lord knows she can bag 'em.

One thing I must consider is that, according to what Ellen told me, Katie's last boyfriend dumped her, not the other way around. This is important to note, for although I cannot find any major misgivings with Katie right now, I also should not assume that her ex-boyfriend is clinically insane for leaving her. He may have had a very good reason for doing so.

She is flaky-- this is only her second rehearsal with us, out of five total. Of course, she flaked last time because she got dumped via cel phone, but what about the other times?

She's a Pisces-- I've had nothing but bad luck with the fishies. Holly was a Pisces; Ellen is a Pisces also, but I do not have a crush on her; a lot of girls that drove me fucking nuts were Pisces-- very emotional, very high-maintenance.

We rehearse again tonight. I wonder if I left any impression on her at all last night. The closest I got to making a dent was when I involuntarily laughed at a Freudian slip of hers.

Ellen repeats the phrase "in and out" during the chorus of one song. Katie asked Ellen if she could join her with a harmony. "Can I do the 'in and out' with you?" she asked. I snickered and covered my face.

Katie laughed also, but I suspect it was because I found her funny and she likes being the center of attention.

Another time, I started playing the bassline to "Just Like Heaven" by The Cure. She looked over at me and started playing the melodious guitar hook on her violin. Then, the drummer and the guitarist jumped in, and we jammed it out for a minute or two.

That was it.

I don't have to worry about the other guys in the band competing with me over her, because one is happily wed with kids, and the other has a steady girlfriend who came with him from Boston. But I can tell that she likes Dave, the married guitarist, because she keeps talking to him constantly. She barely said a word to me, even when I asked her a question or three.

I've had this happen before-- Jeanie, my last steady girlfriend, didn't acknowledge my existence for almost a year as my next-door neighbor. I was friends with her roomie, but Jeanie never said so much as "Hi" to me. Nine months into her stay at the apartment complex in Sherman Oaks, she and I broke the ice, and soon we were inseparable. But I could never forget how cold she had been to me at first.

Then again, I didn't feel like a moron talking to Jeanie. I felt like I was in her league. With Katie, I feel like I will never ever get a chance to even touch the hem of her skirt.

It's probably all for the better-- I need to focus on other things anyway. Sour grapes, yes, but at the same time I know that she would never think of me in a romantic or physical way. She's 5'10", and probably weighs 100 lbs., and doesn't need someone like me-- an ordinary Joe who plays the bass and dresses like he works at a mechanic's garage.

She's glamorous.

I'm in trouble.