PRO CHOICE?

In ancient Rome
There was a poem
about a dog
who found two bones
He picked at one
He licked the other
He ran in circles until
he dropped dead...

DEVO, "Freedom of Choice"


Election time.

I remember how I was up all night watching the election coverage in 2000. I'm a political junkie, and that night was the equivalent of an off-the-wagon drug binge/bender. I was watching history being rewritten right before my very eyes, and I couldn't believe what I was witnessing.

I suspect tomorrow will be a letdown, no matter who wins. Compared to 2000, tomorrow will be slightly suspenseful but probably boring as hell.

I love this country. I love how we think we have choices.

I love arguing with people who believe that America is great because you can buy one hundred different brands of toothpaste. I love the fact that people will opt for a variety of toothpaste over a common-sense idea like universal health care.

I am voting for John Kerry, as a registered Green Party member. I have no choice but to vote for Kerry. I don't like John Kerry, but it's either him or Bush. I like Bush a lot less. Voting for the lesser of the two evils, however, is still a vote for evil.

That's why I maintain that there is no such thing as choice. It's an illusion; it's that carrot that dangles in front of the jackass. It's a scam. If I had a choice, I'd be voting for someone else, but I have no choice but to vote for Kerry in 2004.

Some would say that I could choose to not vote, but that's for spineless fucks. Some would say that I could vote for my party candidate, and since I'm in California (which is guaranteed to go to Kerry) I could vote for Nader/Camejo and feel like I played my part. But Nader lost all credibility as a candidate when he layed low for the past three years, without cultivating any kind of political momentum. Then, out of the blue, he announces that he's running. Fuck Nader-- he has no mandate for running this year. He did in 2000, but now we have no choice but to vote for Kerry.

Republicans don't care about "choice"-- they just vote for whoever is Republican, regardless of their stance on issues. If Clinton became a Republican, he would be forgiven by the Right and the GOP would rally to get the term limits amendment repealed.

You think I'm kidding around, don't you?

I mean, look at our Governor: Bill Simon couldn't beat Gray Davis, and neither could Dan Lungren. Tom McClintock had about as much chance of winning in the recall as did presidential candidate Bob Dole in 1996-- that is to say, his chances would be slim to none. But the minute Ah-nold started running, Republicans jumped on the bandwagon. They overlooked the fact that he was down-the-middle in many areas. Just so long as he was a Republican, it was OK to vote for him if you were a conservative.

Thank God Clinton is never going to change his party affiliation.


*/*


"Yeah
I said it's alright
I won't forget
all the times I've waited
patiently for you
And you'll do just what
you choose to do
And I will be alone again tonight
my dear..."

LOVE, "Alone Again Or"


In response to comments and e-mails about my recent Eve posts:

You don't have to worry about me, folks. The fact is, I don't see Eve as often as I make it out; I talk to her on the phone maybe slightly more than I see her; and my reluctance to get intimate with her is based upon my hunch that she isn't looking to have anyone in her life right now.

If there's one thing I learned from South Park, it's that people tend to think in terms of black-and-white extremes, aka "either/or logic". There was that classic South Park episode where Satan is torn between Saddam Hussein, who was an abusive influence, and his new beau Chris, a sensitive wimp who suffocates Satan with his docile do-gooding. Satan ends up taking a trip to Heaven to talk to God about it.

First of all, I liked the fact that they had Satan go to God for help-- it's very much like the beginning of the Book of Job (the oldest book in the Bible), and ties in with ancient Arabic ideas on the nature of evil. The name "Satan" comes from the Arabic word ha-satan, which means "the accuser". Back in the day, Satan was more like a prosecuting attorney than The Prince of Darkness. Satan actually worked for God, as a sort of right-hand man to God, acting more as an antagonist to mankind than the Supreme Ruler of the Underworld.

But I digress: the point is, Satan goes to God for advice. God ends up looking like a weird cross between a cat, a beaver, a hippo, and God knows what. Brilliant.

Anyway, God asks Satan, "Have you ever thought about what YOU want? Who says you have to make a choice between these two guys?" And Satan suddenly realizes what he has been doing: relying on others to establish an identity of his own.

In this Eve scenario, Eve is Satan. Dick is Saddam, and unfortunately I am Chris the Pussy. However, I am kind of hoping that Eve decides that she doesn't need anyone right now. If she ends up with some dude just because she hates being alone, then I will have to bite my tongue, won't I? But I won't be biting my tongue because I'm jealous-- I'll be biting my tongue because I think she should try living by herself for a while and see how that goes.

That's what I've been doing, ever since I broke up with Jeanie in 2000 and started trying to deal with my own little idiosyncrasies. That's why I seem to be so hard on couples, and why I appear to be down on marriage. It's my way of reaffirming my current belief that I need to find out who I am and what I want before I commit to anyone.

I say "current belief" because I know that, one day, I will change my tune and want to be attached at the hip to someone for biochemical reasons. My brain and hormones will react in a certain manner, and I will call that "love" and act a fool. In order to facilitate that inevitable transition easier, I need to be more flexible. So, my current belief may or may not change, depending on how lucky I get in the near future.

So, as much as I am attempting to capture my feelings in print, please remember that you're only getting my side of the story. There's much more to it than just reconnecting with an old flame. And I don't think that Eve is ready to make any kind of choice regarding who she loves. If she came at me with any of that, I would be appalled, just as surely as she would be if I came at her with some old "I never stopped loving you" shit.

Of course it seems dramatic in my posts-- I can make a can of soup seem dramatic, if I have a lot of time to think about it and write it down. Maybe that's what I'll do for tomorrow's post...

Mmmmm... I'm hungry now.


*/*


Restful, like Devon on a Monday
Cooling my fingers in the bay
We've been learning a song
But it's a long and lonely blues
If I only had one love,
Yours would be the one I'd choose
If I only had one love
Yours would be the one I'd choose

PAUL McCARTNEY, "Heaven On A Sunday"


My best friend in the whole world, J from NYC, is getting married this weekend. I have known J for over two decades. We grew up together, but we were always polar opposites who shared some common interests: rap music, British comedies, black stand-up comics, and books.

I think she is ready to tie that knot. It makes me feel old, yes, but it also makes me feel happy. J found love, and that's all she ever wanted. She was real picky for a while, and wouldn't venture very far outside of her social circle to find a suitable man. But she eventually did, and I've met the guy-- he's a catch.

I gave my seal of approval, a very difficult honor to earn from the likes of me.

When I get to the ceremony, I'm going to whisper in her dude's ear, "Don't fuck it up, bro-- you'll never find a girl who's more down for the cause than J." If he's smart (and I believe that he is-- he's an accountant, for Christ's sake!) he'll laugh and give me a simultaneous look that says "I know, I can't believe my luck!"

J could've chosen to test her own luck and find another guy, just to make sure that she had truly found "The One". She could've done the whole "let's take a break from each other and see other people just to make sure this is it" thing, like so many others do... but she knew in her heart that she had no choice but to marry this man. I don't mean "she had no choice" like a shotgun marriage; I mean "she had no choice" like she just knew that this was it. This was the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with, and there was no doubt about that.

I love certainty. It's kind of like faith-- you can't explain it, you just know. The more you try to rationalize it, the further away you get from the truth of the matter.

And speaking of certainty, I'm confident that tomorrow is going to be a letdown for me, no matter who is on the front page of the newspaper on Wednesday morning. Whether I wake up alone or in bed with a beautiful blonde, I am certain that tomorrow-- Tuesday, November 2nd, 2004 --will be a huge disappointment of a day.

I'm sure of it. But don't count me as an interminable pessimist just yet.

The trick is to not let it get me down. I'm pretty good at not letting it get me down. Just as I can count on being let down, I can also count on my finding a way to make my day brighter, in spite of it all.

I'm 100% positive about that.

One last bit about the election: In my now-defunct Archives, I once posted a love letter to America. I can't remember exactly how it went, and I never saved a copy... but here is another version, just in time for the end of the campaigning:


Dear Miss America,

I hate myself for loving you. You drive me crazy, but you also give me enormous freedom and space. Sometimes you make terrible judgements, and other times you lead the way with your style and innovations.

Word around town is that you're not too happy with this Bush guy you've been seeing. He lies, he cheats, he drives your car recklessly, he spends your money like water, and he hangs with the Saudi royals behind your back... you could do a lot better than him. He's not good for you at all, if you ask me.

But word through the grapevine also has it that you've been eyeing that Kerry guy. I must admit, I don't care for him too much, but at least he would treat you a lot better than Bush does.

Of course, I always felt that you and I were the best match, but that's never going to happen, so I guess all I can do is offer some advice:

Be careful. I don't want to see your heart break again.

I really wish you'd dated my friend Howard Dean-- yeah, he's a bit rough around the edges... a bit of a wild man, maybe. But he would've lavished all of his attention on you and treated you the way you deserve to be treated.

Still, it's your life. You can live it however you wish. Just try to be smart this time around, OK?

Love, James.


HAPPY VOTING!!