WITH THE FIRST OF SPRING...

...there comes renewal.

So, what have I learned?

First of all, I have learned that karma is a bitch. The irony that I had an abusive stalker on my hands is not lost on me; I know that I've been a pest to many people online in the past, and it was my turn to feel the heat. Most likely, this asshole won't give up, and will keep looking for me. But for now, things are quite chill.

Second of all, I've learned that I just have too much time on my hands here at work. They like me here, and lately I've been stepping up and doing some actual work. It makes the time go by faster. And, it makes me less inclined to start fights online with strangers.

Third of all, I've come to see that a lot of my anger and rage is misdirected. When I started blogging at the end of 2002, I was about to be laid-off and my prospects were lookng dim. Writing was a way for me to navigate through the horror of being jobless and homeless. I was at the library every day, spending half an hour on job hunting and a full hour on blogging.

The name of my blog back then was the name of this blog right now. I changed it to the name you've all come to know and, er, love shortly afterwards. I guess I've come full circle, no?

I had to make some changes, to prevent The Dickhead from trying to Google or find this blog. I will spend much time going back into the Archives and changing things around, so as not to come up in a search. I think I've been pretty thorough, but we'll see. If the Comments start filling up at an unnatural rate, I'll know that it's time to split once again.

I got over the whole notion of "running away" from this challenge long ago. I should run away more often, actually-- it's better for my health. Not that I am afraid of anything-- rather, I should be afraid of things more, because I am constantly teetering between bravery and stupidity. I tread that fine line and then I wonder why I get into the situations that I do.

I am mellowing out, and life is good. Yesterday was a reminder that I started this beef, and I had to end it once and for all. Some may take issue with what I've left on the old blog, but as much as I want to make a clean break, I also cannot deny my need for dramatic closure.

It's like The Karate Kid: When Mr. Miyagi tells Daniel LaRusso that he did his best in the climactic tournament, Daniel tells Mr. Miyagi that he will never find balance if he knows that he didn't at least try to comeback from his injury at the hands of the dreaded Cobra Kai karate troupe. "Every time I see those guys, I'm going to know that they got the best of me," he said, as Mr. Miyagi slapped his hands together and started rubbing...

I know I don't need to fight or prove anything, but at the same time I cannot back down from certain challenges. It's very male of me, I know, but then again... I am a man.

Besides, it's not like this whole deal was going to go the distance. Dude was just as much at fault as I was, but he just wouldn't let it go. However, he doesn't want to meet me face-to-face, and I know this. So, this is just how it's going to have to be from now on.

So, what have I learned?

I've learned that I have a lot to learn.

I'm sorry if y'all saw the ugly side, but it could always be uglier, and I'm stopping it right here before it gets to that phase.

Anyway, I gotta tend to the duties. I might blog later, but I think I'll wait until tomorrow, when I have a real opportunity to start with a "clean slate".

PEACE