all of it

all of it washes over me like riverwater streaming over stones and carving delicate paths like capillaries branching out into oblivion or a million different combinations none of them returning to the source none of them replenishing my thirst

i know how to speak i know how to form words on the tip of my tongue but i dont know how to load them with sufficient assurance i dont know how to make people feel secure and safe i thrive on dangers elements i suckle from the breast of chaos and i am at home with disorder and anarchy humming and percolating vibrating from within

sometimes i want to vent and sometimes i want to scream but it is getting harder and harder to find ears wide open to my miseries and sometimes it gets me down but not all of the time sometimes it actually cheers me up and then i am floating above it all and nothing can catch me as i ascend

here is the desperate madman in the marketplace grabbing individuals by the face and staring long and hard into their eyes as if it were a meaningful kiss and here he is asking if god has died demanding to know the whereabouts of the devil pleading with anyone within the vicinity begging to be heard and acknowledged for fear that it is all in vain that nothing bears fruit from these mislaid plans that nothing stands in the aftermath of feral desert sands that none of us are able to follow any commands because we have buried our hands behind our heads and we play dead

i am heading home