Monday, April 04, 2005

FEAR NOT DEATH

I haven't been watching the news lately-- is the Pope sick or something?

He's WHAT?

Oh.

Well, I must say... the one good thing is that he asked everybody to not be sad for his passing. And I'll take him up on that.

HOORAY!!

What's that? Going to meet God and Jesus? Stand on their right-hand side?

Says who?

The Bible? Okay... and I take it you have empirical proof of this, right?

No concrete evidence? Then who's to say that the Pope isn't in hell right now, burning for the sins of his fellow priests, pedophiles that they are? Maybe he's burning for all eternity because he did nothing as hundreds of thousands of children suffered sexual abuse under his watch.

I mean, I know the Bible doesn't say anything about that, except for that one passage about all human beings being sinful, and no one is worthy of the kingdom of heaven and all that...

I take it that applies to the Pope as well...

Dude, I feel bad for the guy who impersonates the Pope, in movies and on TV. What's that poor guy going to do, now that John, Paul, George and Ringo are dead? OOps, I mean John Paul...

But seriously-- anyone give one damn about that guy? How's he going to feed his family? It wouldn't be in good taste for him to portray a dead Pope, now would it?

I hope the new Pope does something about those child-molesting priests-- they're really dragging down the image of the Church, you know? I mean, that's just my humble opinion, but...

How do they pick the new Pope? Rock Paper Scissors? Eeny Meeny Miney Moe? One Potato Two Potato? Shouldn't he have a birthmark on the inside of his thigh that designates him as The Chosen One?

He suffered heart and kidney failure caused by a urinary tract infection... funny how the Pope, a celibate (I presume), died from an infection usually associated with unsafe sex with prostitutes...

Okay, I've blasphemed enough for today-- time to get to work. But I'll be back later.

1 comment:

Shannon said...

Actually, urinary tract infections in elderly men are not associated with sex with prostitutes. Most men experience some enlarging of the prostate as they grow older, most especially men who have not had sex regularly. When the prostate becomes enlarged, it makes it difficult for the man to empty his bladder, which can lead to infection, or needing a catheter, which is the main cause of infections in elderly people. He died of septic shock related to a uti, which is a very common cause of death in elderly persons, and in no way in indicates he has been having sex with prostitutes.